Like A Wave
by rose.divinity
Summary: After the breakup Alec goes out for a walk. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Just a Walk

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously.**

_I will be writing this from both points of view….so a 3 shot probably. I am dyslexic, I mess up words and my spelling is at times atrocious, if you want to complain about those things, kindly stop reading now and go away. I have had this idea in my head for 3 days so…time to get it on paper…or well...a computer screen._

It had been 6 weeks. 6 long, painful weeks since Magnus had left him. Alec looked at his phone, no new messages, and no missed calls. Alec couldn't blame him. What he had done was unforgivable. No one else knew why, what had happened. Alec couldn't admit what he had done to Isabelle or Jace. He knew that while they loved him, they would take his ex's side. Just that thought, "Ex" made his breathing catch. He was almost used to the pain by now. He wondered what Jace thought, he was always eager to go out hunting with him now. He always kept the thought in the back of his mind, nothing a demon could do would be worse than what he felt. He fought harder now, with fewer restrictions. He fought how Jace had fought before he had Clary. He felt bad now, for how he had treated Clary. He was happy Jace had her it made him fight safer. Alec no longer loved Jace in the way he once thought he had, but he was glad that some sense of self-preservation had taken root in his brother, he was easier to keep safe this way. Alec slowly got out of bed, putting on his black gear slowly. He wanted to walk, alone in the silence where the pain could take over and no one would hear his sobs. He walked out the front door of the Institute and shivered. The cold wind blowing meant a storm was coming. Demon activity had seemed to slow when the rain fell now. He grimaced slightly, no fight today. No aggression to take his mind off the pain. The pain that washed up over him like an ocean; the waves sometimes falling back to give him a breath of fresh air before the tide rose again covering him in the depths of the blackest despair. He could feel that wave now as he made his way into the dark. Right after the breakup that pain brought him to his knees. Now he would stand through it, not giving himself the comfort of the ground. Instead he stood letting the pain wash over him again and again until it was difficult to inhale. He almost enjoyed the pain. He knew he deserved it, he deserved the hatred, the numb feeling. He had always been a quiet, reserved person. He couldn't come out to his family and he had no real reason to. Sure he had thought he loved Jace but he knew Jace clearly didn't swing that way. Jace enjoyed the company of women far too much. So he had stayed silent, a protector, guardian of his family. Always there when someone else needed him. Then Clary came along and suddenly everything he knew was thrown to the wind. He met _HIM_ then, he couldn't even force himself to think the name. And for a moment everything was okay. Everything was worth it. He was willing to have his marks stripped away, his family to disown him. Suddenly he felt alive, real, like maybe he could be more than a big brother and a son. More than another shadow hunter who would forfeit their life too early for the cause. They had all rallied behind him. His mother, sister, brother, and though not as vocal about it his father. And in a moment he destroyed all that. And for that he deserved the pain he felt. Another jolt of pain shot through him, but he heard a sound in the distance. A demon was out, even though it was pouring at this point. He shook his head slowly, so he would get the fight he wanted, even if he was alone. Fighting alone was frowned upon, especially when one had a parabatai, he knew if he was hurt Jace would feel it too and would panic. But now the demon was close, he could breathe in and feel the stench of rotted garbage, blood, and ichor. He brought his Steele up. He hadn't brought another weapon today, idiot. Fear coursed through him, as he saw it wasn't one, but two demons. Not that he couldn't handle two, but it was more of a risk than he would usually take. He could almost hear Jace screaming at him. He lunged at the demon to the right first, a quick roll and then the battle began. He felt a sting on his arm and cursed at himself. No doubt Jace would be angry with him when he got home. The fight continued for what seemed like an eternity before he heard a noise behind him. The two in front of him lay dead for a moment before crumbling to dust, he turned at the sound in time to see a greater demon above him. There was hardly time to feel fear before it attacked. Alec closed his eyes, he knew this was what he wanted. He could go out like a shadow hunter, in a blaze of demons. No more pain, no more agony, no more sleepless nights staring at a phone that he knew wouldn't ring.

"Alec!" he heard a voice, strong but smooth like honey. It was like a salve on his heart, he could hear the voice far away, his eyes closed as he accepted death. Even in death only Magnus' voice would comfort him. He could feel the ground as he fell. It was cold. Though he imagined death wouldn't be especially warm.

"Alec, open your eyes, you need to stay with me." The voice seemed to break, this dying hallucination was lasting longer than he'd like. He whole body seemed to be engulfed in pain. He wanted to laugh, even in death he couldn't escape the pain of what he had done. "Alec, please open your eyes, I love you and I can't not have you in my life, just open your eyes, I'm right here but I need you to tell me where it hurts." Magnus. Magnus was there, with him. The blur on his mind seemed to come into focus. He wasn't dead. No he was alive, and surely once he saw Magnus again the pain of him leaving again would be difficult. Slowly he opened his eyes. The warlock, his love, looked like hell. They were both covered in the black demon sludge and the poison that covered his skin burned. But it hurt more to see his love this way. His eyes were dark circles, his usually spiked hair lay limp in the rain and gore. He looked worn out, tired, almost like he had felt some of the sadness Alec had felt.

"Good, Alec, are you with me? Can you hear me, can you just tell me where the poison is?" Magnus asked his voice going from desperate and pleading to almost demanding. Alec blinked rapidly.

"My arm." He whispered his throat raw. He wanted to blame the demon for that two but his throat was always sore now from the sobs he tried to hold in. Carefully Magnus picked up his arm and turned it. The black poison was dripping out of a gash that he knew would be painful if he could feel pain in his body and not just the tightness in his chest. "I'm sorry." He whispered before he let the pain take him under.


	2. A Change of Pespective

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously.

I will be writing this from both points of view….so a 3 shot probably. I am dyslexic, I mess up words and my spelling is at times atrocious, if you want to complain about those things, kindly stop reading now and go away. I have had this idea in my head for 3 days so…time to get it on paper…or well...a computer screen.

Magnus—

Magus rolled over, the warlock had never had trouble sleeping before. Before the blue eyed shadow hunter life had been different. He took a long second to bring his mind to the current moment. Chairman Meow looked at him sadly from across the room and he wanted to curse. He walked slowly to the kitchen and filled the food bowl for the damned cat. Nothing felt worth it anymore and he hated that. At 800 years old he should not be reacting like this over a silly break up. He had taken countless lovers before HIM, and he would just have to take a few more after. This was unreasonable and unacceptable. Magnus new he should get dressed. It had been 6 weeks since he had spiked his hair, since he had left his apartment even. His small home was cluttered with takeout containers and broken bottles from the new interest he had taken in drinking. He knew it was wrong, what his shadown hunter had done to him. He sting still hadn't warn off. How one moment they were happy and the next Alec had decided to take away his immortality. As if it was his to take. A sharp intake of breathe at the name. He had done his best to not even think it for the last 6 weeks. Slowly he sat down on his couch, defeated. He knew it was wrong but he occasionally would text Clary for updates. Just to make sure Alec was alive. Clary didn't lie to him, didn't tell him it was daisies and he liked that. And he liked that she agreed to keep it silent. Alec needed to think the warlock hated him. It would make it easier. Magnus new he couldn't go through another death. Another time when the mortal he loved was ripped away from him by age as he stood the same twenty something year old looking man. He grimaced and pulled out his phone shooting what felt like the millionth text to the red head. Before Alec, Magnus had slowly started to feel numb. Yes he still had fun and threw parties and slept around, but nothing mattered much to him. Once he had Alec though, his world came back to life. He wanted to do all the things he had forgotten he enjoyed. He wanted to travel again, to kiss innocently again, to go on dates. Waiting for Alec to understand he didn't love Jace the way he thought he did had actually been painful. Magnus understood though, his 800 years of wisdom were useful when it came to patience with the 18 year old boy. Once he realized that Jace wasn't what he wanted he came out in front of everyone. He finally would accept Magnus publicly and Magnus didn't know that it was possible to be happier than that, but then the trouble started. He didn't want to keep secrets but telling Alec about his past seemed uselss. He had realized one quiet night while Alec slept that his past didn't matter anymore. Alec was his future and nothing before him even deserved a thought. He didn't realize how much it was hurting Alec though. If he had maybe he would have shared. Maybe just a bit something to hold the boy over so he didn't feel as if Magnus was hiding things from him. What he had done, that was unforgivable to. Magnus couldn't stand the thought of watching Alec die, be it at 35 like most shadow hunters or at 75 as a normal mortal. He was selfish. What Alec had done hurt him, he couldn't lie about that but in the end the breakup was to protect himself. Something he couldn't believe he had done. How selfish could he be. He spent every day staring at his phone; writing and rewriting texts to Alec, texts to tell him to come home. And over and over he would erase them. He knew this was for the better. Maybe this way They could both heal, move on. Magnus laughed darkly, he knew better, he would never move on.

"He's gone." The text came back from Clary and the breath caught in his throat. He knew that they had been fighting to keep Alec from doing insane things. Clary had warned him that suddenly Alec had the death wish they had all feared from Jace only a year prior. Clary and Jace had quietly been keeping tabs on Alec to make sure he stayed safe and now, he was gone. Magnus closed his eyes and grabbed onto the sweater that he had kept. When Alec had come to get his things he had hidden it with Magic. He knew he needed something to remember the happiest time in his long life with. The tracking spell was easy, too easy. Magnus had used it on the boy what felt like hundreds of times during their relationship. Any time Alec had to go hunt with Jace he would use it just to know his love was safe. The spell worked and Magnus dressed himself in all black and took off into the rain. He couldn't make himself seen, he knew that would do more harm than good, but he would watch Alec for a moment, just to make sure he was safe, then send a text so Clary and Jace could happen to find him.

After walking for what felt like an eternity he happened into the park. Alec came here a lot, so he wasn't surprised. He held his breath as he watched the shadow hunter grab his chest for a moment. He wanted to reach out, to touch him. Another text buzzed in and he looked down,

"How long will you let this go on? How long will you both suffer before you realize life is to short to waste it." He closed his eyes, tears threatening to form again. The girl didn't realize how short life was. He looked up and in shock saw the fight in progress. How long had he taken to read that text. Alec took out the two demons in front of him with grace and agility. And Magnus cringed as he saw one make contact and Alec grimace. His eyes quickly saw the greater demon come at Alec from behind and his plans all fell apart. He couldn't just let it kill Alec, he couldn't let the love of his existence die in front of him thinking that he hated him. He dove down into the battle but it was too late. The demon had attacked. With a few choice spells the demon was gone and Magnus was beginning to feel drained but he ran to Alec's side. The boy looked dreadful. His eyes were hollow and black around the edges, his bones protruded, clearly he hadn't been eating as well as he should have. His dark hair law spread out around him, a halo of sorts.

"Alec." Magnus said trying to keep his voice steady. There was a response but one so slight he doubted a normal person could see it. "Alec open your eyes, you need to stay with me." He said his voice breaking. "Alex, Please." he couldn't go on if this boy died in his arms right here, alone in the rain thinking that he hated him. "Open your eyes, I love you, and I can't not have you in my life, just open your eyes. I'm right here but I need you to tell me where it hurts." He could feel the boys heartbeat quicken and it was almost enough to make him smile. He touched his face as his eyes opened, slowly blinking back the blood and the sludge they were covered in. "Good, Alec, are you with me? Can you hear me, can you just tell me where the poison is?" He tried to control his voice, make it more demanding than pathetic.

"My arm." Alec whispered. He voice was low and he almost hadn't heard him. Magnus turned his arm over and winced at the size of the gash in his arm. The poison was black and oozing out. It was disgusting and painful looking and he wanted to make the pain stop. He started the magic work on the arm as he heard Alec whisper "I'm sorry." Before he closed his eyes again. Magnus was frantic. What now? He watched as the injury on the pale boy's arm healed closed. He noticed for the first time how thin his arms had become. In only six weeks Alec looked older, sicker, than he could ever remember. He grimaced and picked the boy up, after making a portal. He would take him back to the institute.


	3. Jace

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously.

I will be writing this from both points of view….so a 3 shot probably. I am dyslexic, I mess up words and my spelling is at times atrocious, if you want to complain about those things, kindly stop reading now and go away. I have had this idea in my head for 3 days so…time to get it on paper…or well...a computer screen.

He stepped through he portal to the institute and memories flooded back to him. All the times Alec had snuck out, then the family meets there, and the healings. He had never been there and not felt at least a tiny bit happy. And this time was no different. The boy in his arms was stable, and in his arms. For that he was grateful. He knocked on the door and Jace answered. He looked like he was in pain as well. The shadow hunter bond between the two was unbreakable and unmistakable. He let Magnus through and followed him into the infirmary.

"Is he…." Jace trailed off quietly.

"He's alive, healing now." Magnus replied softly. Jace shook his head, and Magnus could feel the anger radiating off him. "Just go ahead and say it Jace, but believe me when I say you can't say anything to me I haven't already thought of myself." He said his voice quiet.

"What did you think would happen?" Jace said, his voice quiet but angry. Magnus could hear it building but he knew he deserved it. If anyone loved Alec nearly as much as he does, it would be Jace. And the lashing he was about to get from Isabelle would probably rival what Alec had just been through. "Shadow hunters, we are different, we don't just fall in and out of love like Warlocks apparently do. Once we are in love, it's for a lifetime." Jace paused and for a moment the warlock wondered why. He looked over and Alec moved, his face contorted into pain. "We have all spent the last month with little sleep." He paused his voice dripping with sadistic hate, "He screams in his sleep now. Sometimes he sobs, sometimes he cries, but he doesn't ever just sleep quietly. For a while we had him on suicide watch. One of us was always with him, in the room, or sitting in the next room listening. Trying to make sure he didn't do anything ridiculous. It didn't work. He would go out hunting with us and do stupid things. He got hurt almost every night and we would have to wait until he was asleep to do the iratze. He didn't want to be healed. We worried but this happens you know. Shadow hunters don't want to live anymore and so they don't." he stopped again and Magnus was sure he was happy to see the tears welling up in his own eyes. "We tried to help, but then this morning, I fell asleep on my watch. It was finally quiet. We all went to sleep. We woke and he was gone." Jace stopped again. His breathing hitched. "Thank you for both killing and saving my brother." He said and then walked out of the room. Magnus walked closer to the bed where Alec was laying peacefully. He touched the boys face, willing him to wake up and forgive him. Alec moved and then whispered, "Magnus…" his voice was small, pain was etched in those two syllables. "Magnus, please…." His voice was louder this time and Magnus wondered for a moment if the screaming was why his voice was so soft in the park. He put his hand on the boys throat and after another healing spell Alec seemed significantly in less pain. He knew this was now a waiting game. Alec had to decide to wake up. But he would hope and he would wait.


	4. Waking Up

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Obviously.

I will be writing this from both points of view….so I thought it was a 3 shot…now I'm writing chapter 4…so it may be a long story after all. I am dyslexic, I mess up words and my spelling is at times atrocious, if you want to complain about those things, kindly stop reading now and go away. I have had this idea in my head for 3 days so…time to get it on paper…or well...a computer screen.

Alec—

Alec could feel again. He was surprised but guessed that once again death had evaded him. He sighed and tried to open his eyes. They felt heavy, like lead, but he realized he FELT better than he had in weeks. His throat wasn't raw, he wasn't sore, no headache. He felt decent. He had no idea why suddenly he felt better but he wasn't going to tempt fate by questioning it. He slowly pried his eyes open and his heart raced. He was in the infirmary. Again. He was slowly coming back into feeling with his limbs and he felt something warm on his hand. Almost too warm. He looked down, and sitting in a chair by his bed was a tall lanky man, his head was down on the bed, asleep, holding to Alec's hand as if he was his anchor.

"Magnus." He whispered. His eyes filling with tears almost instantly. The events of the night before running back to him, he had been so close to death, and then it had been ripped away from him suddenly. Another sharp inhale and the warlock was awake. He looked alarmed.

"What hurts?" Magnus asked quickly, feeling around the bed and staring at Alec intensely.

"Nothing." Alec said quietly. That nothing was everything though. Why was Magnus here, why did he suddenly care about him again? He grimaced as he tried to sit up. Magnus' hand on his chest stopped him.

"Slow down. You've been out for two weeks, you can't just stand up suddenly, you'll hurt yourself." He said softly, trying not to alarm the shadow hunter it seemed. Alec's blue eyes shot open.

"Two weeks?!" he said in confusion. Magnus stood and Alec could feel his chest constrict. "Wait…you're leaving? No, I mean…don't leave." He said weakly. Maybe he could apologize, talk Magnus into giving him another change, or, something. Magnus smiled down at him sadly.

"I'm not going anywhere except to get your brother. He has been worried ill over you. I'll be back momentarily." His voice was soft, cautious. Alec nodded, his thoughts jumbled suddenly he felt bad, awful. His poor family had been through so much for him, so much lately. He made up his mind, he had to get better, with or without Magnus. He shuddered at the thought of being without his love, but he knew his family was more important. Jace stormed in the door and was suddenly all around him. His arms around Alec's neck. Alec was surprised, Jace didn't show emotions. Not like this,

"I woke up, and you were gone, and then, then Magnus was carrying you in here, and you wouldn't wake up, I was." He paused for a second gathering his thoughts. "I was worried." Jace said straightening up as if he was embarrassed for his outburst.

"I'm okay now." Alec said quietly. Jace looked him over slowly, and nodded a small smile on his lips.

"When you are better, I'm going to kick your ass for that little stunt." He said his voice a mock threat. Alec smiled, an almost real smile. Jace looked between Magnus and Alec, "And tell your warlock now that you are awake he can shower, seriously Bane, you stink." He said turning and walking out the door. Magnus stood with his arms crossed over his chest indignantly.

"I do not stink." He said his lips in a delicious pout. Alec shook his head, those thoughts would get him nowhere and now they were alone. There they were, staring at each other. What words would make this okay? Alec couldn't imagine anything making it worse.

"I'm sorry." They both said at the same moment and then nervously laughed. Alec smiled again, and Magnus walked back up to the bed.

"Alec, darling, you have nothing to be sorry for." The pet name made his chest constrict and his eyes must have shown something, "Are you okay?" Magnus said reaching over and touching him. Alec nodded, his hand grabbing the older mans for a moment before letting go. "Alec, can I…can I explain myself?" Alec sat silently. Magnus explaining that he no longer loved him may actually kill him, but if it was what it would take to keep him here for another moment, then so be it. He nodded and Magnus breathed a sigh of relief.

"I, well… first off, I love you. Never ever think that stopped." Alec's breathing stopped, his heart pounded and he couldn't think. Magnus loved him? After everything, surely not. "I thought, I thought that if I had a decent reason to break it off, that maybe we could break up, and you would find a shadow hunter to love, and," he paused slowly, "and I wouldn't have to watch you die." Alec smiled a half smile, he understood, he put his hand up for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully.

"You never told me your middle name, or who your parents were, or why you were banned from Peru, or really anything." Alec paused again trying to collect himself. "She knew all those things, and she told me things that you wouldn't, things I needed to know. It wasn't fair you know, you knowing all my darkest secrets and not even being willing to tell me your middle name. I just, I needed something." Alec smiled, for real this time, getting all this off his chest was making it much easier to breathe for the first time in what felt like years. "I never would have taken your immortality. The fact that you believed her over me though," he stopped his smile sad, "It made sense, you never loved me as much as I loved you, so why would you believe me over a woman who had known you for so many years." He stopped his words sounded garbled. He couldn't explain himself right, he could make the words come out how he needed them too. "I understand, I understand why you believed her over me, and I'm sorry she died. I know she meant a lot to you." Magnus stood with the strangest look on his face,

"You think I still loved her? Alec, don't you understand, I've NEVER loved anyone or anything like I love you. Not in my 800 years. I believed her because it was easy. Because it made me feel like I was right for once when I knew I was wrong. I was never okay without you, I never felt whole. If my immortality means that much to you," Magnus paused, "Then you can have it. I don't want to live forever without you." His words ceased and Alec's eyes filled with tears for some inexplicable reason. His chest felt as though it may explode. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. He didn't have the strength to fight back, to keep fighting what he felt. Magnus was only inches from his face when the door to the infirmary swung open.

"Is he healed?" Isabelle's voice was hard, and Alec looked up in shock.

"Yes, he seems okay now." Magnus replied shortly. Isabelle nodded and walked up to Alec, her hand coming from nowhere and connecting her fist with his Jaw. He jolted off the bed and onto the floor where Isabelle picked him up and hugged him tight, his jaw still pulsing with pain.

"If you ever do something stupid like that again," she paused her eyes flashed darkly, "I will kill you myself. Understood." Alec nodded meekly as she turned, and looked at Magnus, her hand pointing at him, "If you don't make this right, then by the Angel I will find you and there is no immortality that can outlive the pain I will put you in." she turned her eyes full of hurt and walked out the door. Magnus walked over putting his hand on Alec's suddenly swollen jaw, and the pain instantly was gone. He looked up at Magnus gratefully at the same moment the warlock looked down at him, their eyes met for a moment before their lips did. This was where they belonged. Mortal and immortal for as long as they could be together. The waves of pain he was so used to had abated, the tide was down and he could feel the happiness from before invading him once again.

"I love you." Alec said as he broke away, Magnus smiled and caught him in another kiss.

"And I love you.".

FIN

So yeah….4 chapters, I know Jace was slightly OOC but…. Come on…. Cut me some slack. Anywho…its done. Now on to the next story.


End file.
